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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24606070">Regret</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eckhart/pseuds/Eckhart'>Eckhart</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mission: Impossible, Mission: Impossible (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, F/M, One Shot, Post-Canon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:34:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,324</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24606070</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eckhart/pseuds/Eckhart</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years after the events of Fallout, Ethan meets up with Ilsa one night. A lot has changed since then and he worries about their potential future together. Will they figure things out?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ilsa Faust/Ethan Hunt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Regret</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The bedside lamp flickered on the nightstand. A faint breeze escaped through the open windowsill, causing the shades to billow softly. Ethan was wide awake, studying the imperfections on the eggshell white wall adjacent to him. He counted four tiny cracks near the bottom of the window. A lithe hand caressed his hair and a once racing heartbeat was now a soothing rhythm in his ear. The sound would’ve lulled him to sleep by now had his mind not have been a tempest.</p><hr/>
<p>Ilsa had found him at a corner restaurant earlier that evening. She approached him like she would an old friend. Of course, he was overjoyed to see her again, but Ethan initially felt a bit out of place. They had never spent time together so casually since there wasn’t much to do between fighting terrorists and diffusing bombs. But her presence put him at ease. The more they talked and laughed, the more he discovered this newfound light she had. The former MI6 agent seemed content, carefree, not her usual stoic self. Being out of the game had clearly been for the better.</p>
<p>Yet, Ethan still sensed a feeling of loneliness from her. She avoided any conversation that delved too deeply into her new life. Either joking about how small her flat was or how she could finally cross “Escape from A Secret Agency” off of her bucket list. Ethan guessed that she kept up the trend of working alone. Or had trouble finding some semblance of normalcy as a civilian. At the very least, she didn’t have to worry about MI6 breathing down her neck anymore.</p>
<p>Throughout the evening, they followed the London streetlights to nowhere in particular. Eventually, they found their way to a waterfront beside the River Thames. The city lights twinkled like stars and reflected off of the water‘s surface. A breeze caused the leaves in the neatly trimmed trees to rustle. For the first time in a while, Ethan forgot about his job. Just being there with her was enough for him. Reality was a faraway thought and his reason for being in London didn’t matter anymore. During the comfortable silence, his companion glanced at him, a curious glint in her eyes. </p>
<p>“So what are you really doing here?” She asked. Ethan blinked a few times, shaking his head slightly.   </p>
<p>“You know why,” he murmured. Ilsa smiled sadly.</p>
<p>“Not to say hi to old friends,” she partially joked. Ethan let out a light chuckle and shifted his weight onto one foot. There was no point in hiding the truth from her. It had to come up eventually.</p>
<p>“It is what it is,” he replied. Ilsa’s melancholic smile slowly fell. She turned her gaze back towards the water, seeming to forget that he was there. After a pause, she scoffed.</p>
<p>“You know you can’t keep this up forever,” she said. Ethan frowned and folded his hands together on the chilled metal railing.</p>
<p>“I never said I could.”</p>
<p>“But you never said you couldn’t either.” He fell silent. There was no point in arguing on what was such a lovely night. The last thing he wanted to do was leave things off poorly with Ilsa. His silence only fueled her frustration.</p>
<p>“Humor me. You think they <em>won’t </em>throw you to wolves again?” She snarked. Ethan turned to her, his right index finger tapping against the back of his hand.</p>
<p>“If this is about Kashmir, then just drop it. If we weren’t there, thousands would’ve died,” he glowered.</p>
<p>“And in the process, <em>you</em> nearly died. If Sloane wasn’t there, you would’ve frozen to death!”</p>
<p>“It would’ve been worth it then! The mission would’ve been completed if I lived or died anyway.” Now she looked like the Ilsa he knew. Not the cheerful façade she had put up earlier. She glared at him, but Ethan knew that he had her cornered. After a pause, her eyes narrowed.   </p>
<p>“Even though the IMF turn their back on you every chance they get,” Ilsa muttered. Ethan turned his attention to the city lights, distracting himself from her flinty gaze. She wasn’t wrong. He had been disavowed, hunted down, left for dead so many times by his own government. And for what? For his superiors to give less of a damn about him and his team? He sighed deeply, shaking his head in surrender.</p>
<p>“There’s nowhere else to go,” Ethan murmured. Ilsa fell silent as his words sunk in. She remembered that she foolishly believed that wasn’t the case before she left. He had every right to fear being alone. Her words tumbled out before she could catch them.</p>
<p>“I got away,” she whispered. Ethan scoffed.</p>
<p>“Yeah, and what do you have now?” He asked bitterly. Ilsa dropped her gaze, his words clearly striking a nerve. He realized this immediately and started to apologize, but she cut him off.</p>
<p>“Ethan, I am alone. I always have been, but…” she trailed off, trying to find the right words, “I’m free. I don’t know what my purpose is now, but that doesn’t stop me from living.” She fixed her determined gaze on him.  </p>
<p>“From showing up MI6 in my own way.” Ethan’s eyes softened as he finally understood what kept her going for so long. And he admired her even more for that. Ilsa stepped closer to him, a hopeful look on her face.</p>
<p>“And you wouldn’t be alone either,” she murmured. She seemed unsure of how to follow up that statement, making him confused. How exactly wouldn’t he be alone if he left the IMF one day? He figured that she’d say something about how Luther or Benji would still be his friends and they wouldn’t ever leave him and all that. He prepared to just drop the conversation.</p>
<p>“I would be here,” Ilsa said. Ethan froze as she reached out and held his cold hands in her own. She looked up at him earnestly.</p>
<p>“I don’t have much, but it’s better than nothing.” She swung his hands absentmindedly from side to side, the corners of her lips twitching upwards.</p>
<p>“Unless you prefer nothing. Then it’d work out perfectly,” she joked. Ethan felt the feeling return to his fingers and he chuckled. He looked down at their intertwined hands, smiling to himself. This almost didn’t feel real, but she was there to assure him that it was. Ethan met her gaze, taking in the curve of her shy smile. Even in the darkness, he could make out her sharp features, the genuine twinkle in her blue eyes.</p>
<p>And then she kissed him. Her lips were slightly chapped and the kiss itself was a bit unsteady, but there was an unmistakable heat behind it. It was over as quickly as it begun. Ilsa released his hands and took a step back.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. This was a mistake. I shouldn’t hav—” She was cut off as Ethan touched her face, turning her gaze to his. He closed the space between them, breaking open the barrier that trapped their desires.</p><hr/>
<p>She led him back to her flat afterwards. The rest of the night was filled with hushed breaths and tender kisses. He explored every inch of her body. Nothing could be hidden now. Ethan hadn’t had this for a long time— the feeling of closeness to another human being. Being wrapped in the warm embrace of someone that truly loved him. He wanted to stay there forever and never have to worry about anything else. Together, they could do anything.</p>
<p>However, as they basked in the warm afterglow, reality snaked its way back into his mind. What would happen now? Could he get in trouble for this? Would they try to break them apart? Was a messenger on their way right now with a secret delivery for him? The lingering dread kept him away from the warmth. Taking a deep breath, Ethan sat up, his back to Ilsa. She trailed a hand down his arm, her eyelids drooping.</p>
<p>“Thought you crashed,” she mused. He shook his head, finding it difficult to look at her. Ilsa chuckled.</p>
<p>“What? You’re not usually this quiet.” Ethan glanced back at her, forcing a smile. She was in such a good mood. It wasn’t his place to dampen her spirits with his fears.</p>
<p>“I’m just tired,” he murmured. Ilsa’s face went blank as she stared at his slouched form. After a few seconds, she started laughing.</p>
<p>“Oh, come on!” she said between giggles, “I went easy on you.”</p>
<p>Ethan studied the creases in the white bedsheets. He wanted to laugh at her joke, but simply couldn’t. The longer he stayed in the room, the more confined he felt. It was as if the walls were boxing him in, creeping closer and closer with each second. Unable to take it any longer, he got up and walked towards the door.</p>
<p>“Ethan!” Ilsa called after him.</p>
<p>“I’m going to the bathroom,” he replied over his shoulder. His destination was just across the hall. When he reached it, he switched on the lights and shut the door. All he needed was some time to himself and then he could go back to the warmth. Turning on the sink, he splashed some cold water on his face. Leaning over the counter, he tried to distract himself by studying stray water droplets scattered around the bowl.</p>
<p><em>Everything’s gonna be alright. Nothing’s been in the mail for days. Everything will be alright, </em>Ethan thought. He figured that if he woke up early, he could make it back to the safe house without raising any eyebrows. His shoulders sagged at the thought of leaving Ilsa so quickly. If he left so soon, what was the point of meeting her again? Of admitting their feelings and spending the rest of the night together? There was no point to any of this if they had to be separated again. Ethan glanced to the side as he heard the door creak open slightly. Ilsa’s head peeked out from behind it.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she greeted softly. He gave her a small smile, letting her know that it was okay for her to come in. She pushed the door open and leaned against the frame. Ethan noticed that she had pulled on a cozy looking blue robe.</p>
<p>“You okay?” Ilsa asked, her voice concerned. He shrugged, unable to find the words to explain himself. Her eyes slid to the right briefly before she looked back up at him.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry about what I said. I was just joking,” she apologized. Ethan frowned, confused about why she felt bad about that. He just brushed it off.</p>
<p>“No, no, no. It’s not that. It’s...” Ilsa’s brow furrowed and she patiently waited for him to continue. Ethan looked in the mirror, glimpsing the bags underneath his eyes.</p>
<p>“I just... I don’t know what’s gonna happen next,” he admitted. Ilsa tilted her head, eyes flitting to the side as she thought about what he said. She figured it out quickly and just shrugged.</p>
<p>“Neither do I,” she replied. Ethan groaned, frustrated by her dismissiveness.</p>
<p>“Exactly. What <em>is</em> gonna happen next? What if the IMF learns about us? What’s gonna happen to you?” He fretted. Ilsa rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>“Nothing. I’m not in MI6 anymore.”</p>
<p>“But what if you get in trouble for being with me? Your history, our history. They could see you as a distraction and wanna do something about it,” Ethan insisted. She stood up straight and folded her arms across her chest.</p>
<p>“They have no reason to. I don’t have anything to do with them,” Ilsa argued.</p>
<p>“You don’t know that. For all we know, someone’s on their way with an envelope right now!” He exclaimed. Ilsa took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut briefly before reopening them. She brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear.</p>
<p>“Ethan, you cant control what happens next. Whatever happens, happens,” she said evenly. Ilsa took a few paces towards him and leaned her hip against the black counter. He met her gaze in the mirror.</p>
<p>“If anything does happen,” she glanced at him pointedly, “Which it won’t, we’ll figure something out.”</p>
<p>Ethan averted his eyes. Maybe she was right. Maybe he was worrying about nothing and all he had to do was leave. And yet, when would he be able to see her again? <em>Would</em> he ever see her again? His thoughts were interrupted as a hand covered his own. Ilsa stepped behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She rested her chin on his shoulder, studying the creases in his face in the mirror.</p>
<p>“Just go early in the morning,” she whispered. Ethan frowned and gave her a questioning look. Ilsa nodded slightly.</p>
<p>“I’ll be okay,” she assured him. Her lips curved into a gentle smile, but Ethan sensed that it wasn’t completely genuine. They stood there in silence for a few moments. The faucet occasionally released a drip of water into the bowl. He looked to the left, observing the rather cramped space of the bathroom. The beige walls, the simple white shower curtains, a few purple tealight candles scattered at the edge of the countertop. The flat was certainly small, but she had made it her own. Maybe it could handle one extra person some day. Ilsa eventually released him and tugged lightly at his arm.</p>
<p>“Try getting some sleep,” she murmured.</p>
<p>Ethan followed her back to the bedroom. As he settled in, he glanced at his phone for the time. It read 1:35. He set an alarm for 4am. Ilsa made sure it was set on max volume so that she wouldn’t sleep through it. Apparently, she had become quite the heavy sleeper over the years. He couldn’t blame her, as her mattress—despite lacking a bed frame— was incredibly comfortable. She fell asleep in his arms rather easily. Ethan wished that he could join her, but he couldn’t afford to. Not when their goodbyes were just a few hours away.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I guess 2020 has finally convinced me to start up an account here. This isn’t one of my first pieces, but I wanted to work on this one the most. I suppose this is some sort of speculation as to what could happen to these two in 7 and 8. Not sure if I’ll post more on here, since I don’t write that much, but we’ll see. Constructive criticism is welcome and I hope you enjoyed!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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